I'm fairly certain it isn't most mages who give in to demons on purpose.
[ Well, it's some of them, anyway. The idea of a demon anywhere near her son, let alone possessing him, is enough to send a shock of pure fear through her system. She's seen a lot of the monsters up close, has been in and out of the Fade twice, but this... is another terror entirely. Her gaze lingers on Justin's face for a moment too long, searching for something that isn't there.
Thankfully.
Cecily silently spoons some hearty, Ferelden stew into bowls, mind clearly occupied. ]
It's only that, sometimes-
[ But Cullen enters the room in a hurry and she cuts off, surprised and a little alarmed the quick entrance... and the expression. It isn't about their magical child, however; the former templar holds up a letter. They're the words of an agent, but the work of Leliana. ]
There's been elven activity flaring up in the Emprise. [ The Commander announces gruffly, clearly thrown completely off balance by this news. He isn't the only one; elven activity isn't strange by far, but the fact that they'd been written to suggests something big. Potentially promising.
She's been waiting for this for years. Cecily meets Cullen's gaze briefly, already aware of the argument that's about to happen as they both turn to look at Dorian, at Justin, at the same time. ]
No, but Justin has quite a few things that those mages don't. Family, friends, people to care for him, to watch and ensure no such thing occurs.
[ He bounces Justin on his knees gently, grinning in response to the delighted laugh. Things are...easier, these days, truthfully. He smiles easier, away from Tevinter, and while they aren't perfect there's hope. There's a lot to be grateful for, in that. ]
...Elven activity there?
[ Maker, but he hates Emprise. One of the things he's grateful for is that he doesn't have to go on missions these days. Sometimes he misses it but he doesn't miss the shit locations they were sent to, doesn't miss shaking his boots upside down to rid them of the mud that'd gotten inside, doesn't miss the cold they had to slog through.
Now, though, he tenses a touch when they both look at him. Ah. ]
You-- what, wish for me to go? I suppose I could consult the Chargers, see what their next jobs are-?
No. [ They both say it at the same time, glance sideways at each other, shifting uncomfortably. Then, Cullen continues alone: ] I'll take a few men; once Leliana's agents have scouted the area, we should-
There is absolutely no way. [ She interrupts hotly, but quietly. Even so, Justin seems to suspect that something is amiss, turning from Dorian to watch his parents with wide, brown eyes. ] I am not going to wait here when we have no idea what kind of threat it might be, what they're planning-
Well, I am not leaving you to run off into the wilds. If we had more information... but, we've got little enough to go on as it is-
I couldn't stop Solas, couldn't change his mind, and I am going if there is any chance that he's there.
[ They're talking over each other, interrupting, voices burning with stubbornness and the fierce need to keep the other (and everyone, by extension, in the way that both Cullen and Cecily do) safe. Meanwhile, Justin slips from Dorian's lap, wanders between them and clasps Cecily's fingers, staring up with a youthful concern for the voices that are only continuing to raise in the budding argument. ]
oh i was saying it's hard to write them bc i avoid them so it's like ??? how do they work
[ Maker take him but he hates lover's spats. For a moment, he thinks to rise, to take Justin to go play in the garden, but no, he slips off and Dorian moves too slow to grab him. ]
Perhaps we could have this conversation once Justin has gone for another n-a-p.
[ There's an accusing little look at Dorian, now, the child clearly knowing the word, but he doesn't take it back, coming closer to ruffle his hair apologetically. ]
How soon is an answer required?
[ They'll have to move the Chargers quickly, no doubt, but it makes sense to send them and Dorian, potentially, he thinks. More than two parents, or even one of them. ]
that's my secret cap; i am actually a five year old
[ Justin's hand around hers brings her back to her senses. She scoops up the child (he's getting so big, she thinks suddenly) and settles him against her hip. ]
We ought to wait until we've heard from Leliana again. [ But they have no idea how far or soon that time might be. ]
We can talk about this tonight. [ Cecily says quietly, following with a lingering kiss to Justin's forehead. He begins to squirm, now that things seem more settled, and she lets him down, after which he slips up onto a chair and bounces his legs expectantly, waiting for them in an uncharacteristic display of manners before eating.
She looks to Dorian, though, expression a wearied mask. ]
[ Dorian sits down gingerly, taking a hint from Justin with a small smile. ]
It wouldn't do for you to get bored, you know.
[ His stomach growls almost embarrassingly loud, and he takes the time to actually eat, endlessly grateful for a warm meal that he didn't have to half-ass while on the road.
Once he's warm and full, Justin plunks the rock down on the table in front of him and gives him an expectant look that makes Dorian pause. Cullen's hesitance is understandable; he's been around mages more often, certainly, but he isn't sure how the man reacts to his own son being shown magic. ]
Perhaps later, hm? I think you promised to show me that treehouse last time, so I could try and get the bridge set up for you.
[ Cullen withdraws, clearly agitated, and Cecily hovers for a moment before slipping into a chair opposite. Justin and Dorian eat and she picks, but she's much less hungry now than she was very shortly before. Instead, she watches them surreptitiously, brow twitching slightly as her son waits for his godfather to show him more magic.
She doesn't mind; on the contrary, it makes her think... ]
S'got a door. [ The boy says with wide eyes, as if it's Very Impressive. What he means is that it has a trapdoor, but... vocabulary. ]
Would you- I'm sorry, Dorian. Would you watch him another moment while I...?
[ She gestures weakly to the door through which the Commander had flitted off. Maybe there's a negotiation to be had, after all. ]
[ Of course. He finishes quickly and doesn't need to be asked to take Justin, knowing that this is going to be a talk that both he and the child don't want to be there for. ]
Mmmm, is it now? You'll have to show me. Come on, let's get ready. We'll find some clothing your mother doesn't mind getting mussed.
[ Justin doesn't need any encouragement; he tears off toward his room, leaving the three of them alone for a moment. Gently, he presses a hand to her shoulder, stroking his thumb over it lightly. ]
I'll keep him occupied for a few hours. Do what you must, I'm certain I'll survive a five year old.
[ There's something in her eyes, in her voice that hasn't been there in a long time; it's the budding of true fear. Complicated by a handful of factors, made infinitely worse by the news...
It's still there when she returns later. It's mid-afternoon, with the sun still hanging off to the side, glow gold and strong over a beautiful day. Cullen's writing a response, but Cecily slips outside to return to Dorian and Justin, taking her time on the walk over, mind a lifetime away and tangled up in knots. ]
You've been kind to him, haven't you, you little monster?
[ In response, the passing boy sticks out his tongue, but he's grinning. He has a few stones in his arms, and she suspects he's planning on asking to learn to enchant them.
Unfortunately, that isn't her most immediate concern anymore.
Cecily presses her hand to the trunk of the tree, trying to look perfectly at ease when Justin is looking and trying not to look like she's choking down a scream in the meantime. ]
I don't think you have enough stones, sweet thing. [ She crouches, brushing a hand over the boy's hair as he begins to assemble his pile at the base of the tree. ] You know, there was this very special one, just by the door-
[ And she achieves the desired effect; he goes tearing off toward the house, not too far away, still in view. It's enough so that she can speak with Dorian, which she does (eventually), straightening and sighing slowly. ]
... I need to ask something of you. [ She says finally, eyes on Justin as he hunts for something that isn't there. ] A favor, something... very important.
[ Dorian ruffles the boy's hair, laughing when he makes a protesting noise and bats at his hands, pursing his lips mullishly for all of a moment before he wanders off with the stones at the base of the tree. When he goes tearing off at the house, Dorian braces himself for the conversation.
She looks - well, she looks lovely, as she ever does, but worry is a weight on her that he can see easily. ]
[ The word, unintentional in its complexity, catches, and she wraps the arm around her middle, clinging to the fabric at her waist. ]
Cullen wants to oversee what's left of his forces ourselves. He won't say it... he wouldn't, really, but I'm sure he doesn't think I can defend myself.
[ Anymore. Her face grows hot with embarrassment and she can't quite meet his eyes. She's practiced endlessly since her last meeting with Solas, working to regain some of the skill that had vanished with the anchor, with her arm. She'd had to adapt all of the abilities she'd been honing through her life; some of them are lost for good. Still, despite all her efforts, the difficulty still exists. They'd been too long in peacetime, in quiet and without fighting in Ferelden. This would be her first match against true adversity since the Exalted Council.
Even she doesn't know if she's ready, if she can hold off whatever might be waiting, but she'll be dammed if that stops her. ]
I'm to meet with Scout Harding. [ The compromise. That she might travel with Leliana's agents so she could (as she so passionately repeated) fix what she'd been unable to before.
Finally, she looks back at Dorian. ]
I'll need someone to look after Justin while we're gone. [ Already, the prospect stops up her throat, but she presses on. ] I know you have no less to do than the rest of us, you, and Bull, but I trust no one more than you, and he's taken so well to you. I would never ask if I thought there a better solution, selfish as it is.
[ She pinches her brows. Behind her, the child has found a very shiny stone and is intently looking for more. ]
[ He has a feeling he knows where this is going. Cullen's too valuable to waste away on a farm, and the Inquisitor's work is never truly done, not when the end of the world keeps looming over the horizon.
Others might have forgotten it, but he knows there's no chance either of them would.
When she starts talking about what's necessary, he's proven correct. Part of him wants to object - to say that there's no way he's a good choice for this, given that he merely watches him, that tending a child for a few hours is different than having him for days, or weeks.
There are plenty of other options, as well. Any of them have to be better than him, but no. He understands the logic, even if it makes his stomach clench with something similar to fear. They've faced death plenty of times but it's so very, very different when it's something like this. ]
I...you do realize I will have to take him to Tevinter with me. I can't...I won't be able to stay away fro that long.
[ He has a feeling she already knows this but he has to say it anyway, glancing at where Justin's hunting for stones. ]
No- Of course. [ She says quickly, quietly, face blooming into an expression of great guilt. She isn't afraid of dying on a mission, but is afraid of what might happen to her child. Of what his presence might mean for Dorian, whose life was already so complicated and busy. Already, she begins to regret it, has to backpedal a little: ] I know how sudden this is, and... unfair, and you've done me so many favors already, done me too much kindness for me to ask this of you. I can't.
[ But. Cecily swallows, gaze again flitting to Justin who is returning with a few more stones, most of which are half-frosted. He looks tremendously proud, places one in her hand, offers up the rest to Dorian ("look what I did!"), and her stomach twists painfully. ]
... We would leave as soon as we have word back from Leliana. Soon, I expect.
[ He can't imagine Cullen's going to be thrilled about it, but they don't have a lot of options if they're both leaving. Idly, he wonders why they don't send the child to go live with his sister, but he doesn't question that; they've likely considered all of the options and weighed them as heavily as they can. No doubt asking more questions would only make things worse. ]
Cecily.
[ He's interrupted before he can go too far, given frosted stones, dirty little hands wiped on his pants as Justin gleefully shows him the rocks. Quite good, Dorian says warmly and frosts them the rest of the way over, handing them back. Now, let's see if you can melt them, hm?
Once he's away, he reaches out and takes Cecily's hands, squeezing gently. ]
I can take him back with me when I return to Tevinter. I... mmm. It would be wise to say he's someone else's child, but I'm not certain how well he can lie.
[ If he weren't a budding mage, she'd consider it. If he were a normal child... then, maybe it would be safe to tuck him away with Mia and her family in the South. Even if it won't be long that they're gone, she can't shake the fear that he'd be easily taken from them (and that they might end up as causalities. Of her companions, of those who she can trust to keep him safe while being able to defend themselves, the list is... varied. In the end, there's one she trusts, particularly with the magical aspect, more than the others.
One has already betrayed them, after all, and her nerves are beyond frayed. ]
He can learn. [ She says softly, her voice wavering slightly. ] For all I tease, he isn't much trouble, and it won't be so long to go and look around, to make sure he isn't there.
[ If Solas is there, if it's time, as he's deemed it, to end their world, then it will hardly matter where Justin is or isn't unless she or someone else can convince the ancient elf to change his mind. If he isn't there, then they'll return, likely with no information and little to show for the trip.
That Leliana had written them at all suggests it might be more complicated than that, but it doesn't need to be voiced. ]
I'll be back as soon as I can. Dorian, I can't think of any way to thank you for this. Nothing that would do justice to how much this means to me.
[ Tevinter will teach him how to lie. It starts young. Dorian sucks in a steady breath and drops her hand, tugging her into a hug instead. He'd give anything for her to not have to make this decision, but he also understands the necessity of it, that she is doing what she thinks is right and that's what they have to do.
Gently, he squeezes once and then releases, tugging on a curl of hair that's slipped loose from its bindings. ]
I know he isn't any trouble. He'll be fine for a few weeks. We'll tell him it's a vacation of sorts.
[ And if for some Maker-damned reason it lasts longer than anticipated, they'll figure it out from there. Dorian is going to operate under the impression that it won't, though. ]
[ He'll be thrilled to go to Tevinter, she knows already. Before he was born, Cullen's nephew had been delighted to hear stories of the Imperium, of magic and Magisters and all else. Justin is much the same, though he has the added thrill of having Dorian as a godfather and frequent companion... and the magic, of course. The connection between Tevinter and his abilities aren't lost even on him, young as he is, and thin though the connection might be in his mind.
She returns the hug, knowing all this, knowing the boy couldn't be in better hands. ]
I'll return with some exotic vintage, it's the least I could do.
[ There's the ghost of a smile, though she's only mostly joking. If she could reward him with a bottle of every fine wine in Thedas, she'd do it in a heartbeat. Maker knows he deserves it... or, more aptly, that he'll need a drink. ]
[ Maevaris will help him keep Justin safe, at the very least. Between that and everyone else he knows, the child will be the most well-protected boy in all of Tevinter.
He releases her after a moment, clasping her hand firmly. ]
Of course, I'll be sure to expect that.
[ He will need a drink, that's for certain. Still, he doesn't regret offering and he doesn't regret helping. If he can help them in any fashion, he fully intends to. ]
Let's go back inside, hm? We'll make the most of what time we have.
With my son begging you to enchant rocks, I'll bet. [ And, sure enough, as they head back inside, Justin slips one of the gathered stones into Dorian's hand. It isn't on fire, but the ice is gone and there are traces of scorch.
Cecily sweeps up the dishes, trying not to think about what's on all of their minds, and Cullen eventually reemerges. There's a sort of awkward tension hanging heavy in the room like a shroud; they'd obviously argued to some degree about who should stay and go, and the compromise wasn't one that either liked. ]
I'll get a fire going. [ The Commander says eventually, slipping from the room, perhaps slipping away (wisely) to avoid the chill radiating from his wife. Afterward, she glances in the direction of the door and sighs softly, picking absently-mindedly at her clothes. ]
I don't mean to be a troll about this, but I can't stay behind. [ She chances a look at Dorian and there's something like like imploring, you understand, don't you? ] I mean, I couldn't. Even with- I just, I have to do what I can. And there isn't anything I can do from here.
[ Dorian takes the rock when it's handed to him, thumbing at the scorch marks with a pleased twist to his lips. Ruffling the boy's hair, he murmurs good job and then slings the child up into his arms with a laugh, holding him under one of his arms. ]
Cecily, you needn't explain yourself, especially not to me of all people.
[ He won't hate her for it and he won't pretend that he doesn't understand. It's not ideal but their lives were consistently made up of things that were 'not ideal' and they simply coped. That was the way that things were. To believe anything else was foolish at best, self-destructive at worst. ]
If you feel as if you are doing the right thing, then I support it.
Enabler. [ She says softly, but fondly. There's still the underlying worries, of course, because the situation is fraught with complications, some of which are now being pushed onto Dorian's shoulders. ]
I do. [ Cecily replies firmly, because it's the truth. ] I feel - really feel - that I need to be there.
[ To do what she couldn't before. If she's unable and it means the end of their world anyway, then at least she tried. ]
Thank you. [ She sits with Dorian and Justin, closing her eyes briefly, considering, testing the weight of it all on her mind. ] I'll send birds, keep you updated as best I can. At the very least, I can trust Leliana will have spies watching from where I can't see them.
[ There's a thin smile; she isn't enormously happy at the prospect of being watched by anyone, but if it's a comfort to others, then she can deal with it. ]
But of course. I must protect my spot as the favorite caretaker. I'm not above small bribery.
[ For all that his tone is teasing and light, there's a tension to him that he can't shake. This isn't fair to her, to be shoved into this all over again but at the same time it isn't as if she'd just ignore this, either. She's too good for that. ]
You needn't justify that to me, you realize.
[ Justin reaches his hands up expectantly and Dorian huffs out a laugh, grabbing him by his wrists to send him swinging gently back and forth while he shrieks laughter happily. ]
I'll have him write ones back when we're both certain it is safe enough.
What you do isn't small bribery. [ Case in point; he's swinging her child from his arm. She can't help but smile, sighing softly in to the strained air of the kitchen. ]
I realize. [ She seems to be chewing on the words as if they're tough, and in a way, they are. She doesn't want to admit that he's right because she feels horribly selfish leaving her young, magical son with him when he's got so much else to do, and she could easily stay behind to watch him... Well. Not 'easily,' really. She's rarely easy on herself. ]
His letters will be drawings of dragons... and of the dog.
Dragon! [ Justin shouts, so excited that he forgets to hold on and plops down onto the floor. Cecily starts, instinctively, but he's fine, and he scrambles back onto Dorian's lap a moment later. ]
[ Dorian keeps his tone nonchalant, hefting Justin up with a little grunt, swinging him a little higher while he shrieks, not listening to what they're saying which is the idea. ]
Yes, dragons. I'm certain Bull will be more than happy to help you with drawing those.
[ The child clambers up into his lap and Dorian huffs out a breath, settling a little more so that he doesn't tip out of it in his excitement. ]
[ Oh no, not Bull and Dragons. Her smile twitches at a grin and she rolls her neck, sighing at the thought. ]
Promise you won't let him take Justin to see a dragon. [ She says in a hushed whisper, when she knows the boy isn't listening.
... Yes. Pup. Cecily flits her tongue across her lips, considering, eyes on the doorway. ]
He'll go with Cullen, I'm sure. [ Mabaris are war hounds, after all, and she isn't about to leave Dorian with a child and an animal. ] Only one beast to worry about.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no what
[ Well, it's some of them, anyway. The idea of a demon anywhere near her son, let alone possessing him, is enough to send a shock of pure fear through her system. She's seen a lot of the monsters up close, has been in and out of the Fade twice, but this... is another terror entirely. Her gaze lingers on Justin's face for a moment too long, searching for something that isn't there.
Thankfully.
Cecily silently spoons some hearty, Ferelden stew into bowls, mind clearly occupied. ]
It's only that, sometimes-
[ But Cullen enters the room in a hurry and she cuts off, surprised and a little alarmed the quick entrance... and the expression. It isn't about their magical child, however; the former templar holds up a letter. They're the words of an agent, but the work of Leliana. ]
There's been elven activity flaring up in the Emprise. [ The Commander announces gruffly, clearly thrown completely off balance by this news. He isn't the only one; elven activity isn't strange by far, but the fact that they'd been written to suggests something big. Potentially promising.
She's been waiting for this for years. Cecily meets Cullen's gaze briefly, already aware of the argument that's about to happen as they both turn to look at Dorian, at Justin, at the same time. ]
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[ He bounces Justin on his knees gently, grinning in response to the delighted laugh. Things are...easier, these days, truthfully. He smiles easier, away from Tevinter, and while they aren't perfect there's hope. There's a lot to be grateful for, in that. ]
...Elven activity there?
[ Maker, but he hates Emprise. One of the things he's grateful for is that he doesn't have to go on missions these days. Sometimes he misses it but he doesn't miss the shit locations they were sent to, doesn't miss shaking his boots upside down to rid them of the mud that'd gotten inside, doesn't miss the cold they had to slog through.
Now, though, he tenses a touch when they both look at him. Ah. ]
You-- what, wish for me to go? I suppose I could consult the Chargers, see what their next jobs are-?
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There is absolutely no way. [ She interrupts hotly, but quietly. Even so, Justin seems to suspect that something is amiss, turning from Dorian to watch his parents with wide, brown eyes. ] I am not going to wait here when we have no idea what kind of threat it might be, what they're planning-
Well, I am not leaving you to run off into the wilds. If we had more information... but, we've got little enough to go on as it is-
I couldn't stop Solas, couldn't change his mind, and I am going if there is any chance that he's there.
[ They're talking over each other, interrupting, voices burning with stubbornness and the fierce need to keep the other (and everyone, by extension, in the way that both Cullen and Cecily do) safe. Meanwhile, Justin slips from Dorian's lap, wanders between them and clasps Cecily's fingers, staring up with a youthful concern for the voices that are only continuing to raise in the budding argument. ]
oh i was saying it's hard to write them bc i avoid them so it's like ??? how do they work
Perhaps we could have this conversation once Justin has gone for another n-a-p.
[ There's an accusing little look at Dorian, now, the child clearly knowing the word, but he doesn't take it back, coming closer to ruffle his hair apologetically. ]
How soon is an answer required?
[ They'll have to move the Chargers quickly, no doubt, but it makes sense to send them and Dorian, potentially, he thinks. More than two parents, or even one of them. ]
that's my secret cap; i am actually a five year old
We ought to wait until we've heard from Leliana again. [ But they have no idea how far or soon that time might be. ]
We can talk about this tonight. [ Cecily says quietly, following with a lingering kiss to Justin's forehead. He begins to squirm, now that things seem more settled, and she lets him down, after which he slips up onto a chair and bounces his legs expectantly, waiting for them in an uncharacteristic display of manners before eating.
She looks to Dorian, though, expression a wearied mask. ]
Never a dull moment with you, is there?
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It wouldn't do for you to get bored, you know.
[ His stomach growls almost embarrassingly loud, and he takes the time to actually eat, endlessly grateful for a warm meal that he didn't have to half-ass while on the road.
Once he's warm and full, Justin plunks the rock down on the table in front of him and gives him an expectant look that makes Dorian pause. Cullen's hesitance is understandable; he's been around mages more often, certainly, but he isn't sure how the man reacts to his own son being shown magic. ]
Perhaps later, hm? I think you promised to show me that treehouse last time, so I could try and get the bridge set up for you.
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[ Cullen withdraws, clearly agitated, and Cecily hovers for a moment before slipping into a chair opposite. Justin and Dorian eat and she picks, but she's much less hungry now than she was very shortly before. Instead, she watches them surreptitiously, brow twitching slightly as her son waits for his godfather to show him more magic.
She doesn't mind; on the contrary, it makes her think... ]
S'got a door. [ The boy says with wide eyes, as if it's Very Impressive. What he means is that it has a trapdoor, but... vocabulary. ]
Would you- I'm sorry, Dorian. Would you watch him another moment while I...?
[ She gestures weakly to the door through which the Commander had flitted off. Maybe there's a negotiation to be had, after all. ]
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Mmmm, is it now? You'll have to show me. Come on, let's get ready. We'll find some clothing your mother doesn't mind getting mussed.
[ Justin doesn't need any encouragement; he tears off toward his room, leaving the three of them alone for a moment. Gently, he presses a hand to her shoulder, stroking his thumb over it lightly. ]
I'll keep him occupied for a few hours. Do what you must, I'm certain I'll survive a five year old.
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[ There's something in her eyes, in her voice that hasn't been there in a long time; it's the budding of true fear. Complicated by a handful of factors, made infinitely worse by the news...
It's still there when she returns later. It's mid-afternoon, with the sun still hanging off to the side, glow gold and strong over a beautiful day. Cullen's writing a response, but Cecily slips outside to return to Dorian and Justin, taking her time on the walk over, mind a lifetime away and tangled up in knots. ]
You've been kind to him, haven't you, you little monster?
[ In response, the passing boy sticks out his tongue, but he's grinning. He has a few stones in his arms, and she suspects he's planning on asking to learn to enchant them.
Unfortunately, that isn't her most immediate concern anymore.
Cecily presses her hand to the trunk of the tree, trying to look perfectly at ease when Justin is looking and trying not to look like she's choking down a scream in the meantime. ]
I don't think you have enough stones, sweet thing. [ She crouches, brushing a hand over the boy's hair as he begins to assemble his pile at the base of the tree. ] You know, there was this very special one, just by the door-
[ And she achieves the desired effect; he goes tearing off toward the house, not too far away, still in view. It's enough so that she can speak with Dorian, which she does (eventually), straightening and sighing slowly. ]
... I need to ask something of you. [ She says finally, eyes on Justin as he hunts for something that isn't there. ] A favor, something... very important.
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[ Dorian ruffles the boy's hair, laughing when he makes a protesting noise and bats at his hands, pursing his lips mullishly for all of a moment before he wanders off with the stones at the base of the tree. When he goes tearing off at the house, Dorian braces himself for the conversation.
She looks - well, she looks lovely, as she ever does, but worry is a weight on her that he can see easily. ]
Anything, Cecily, you know that.
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Solas knows all our resources, our strategies. Our strengths and- weaknesses.
[ The word, unintentional in its complexity, catches, and she wraps the arm around her middle, clinging to the fabric at her waist. ]
Cullen wants to oversee what's left of his forces ourselves. He won't say it... he wouldn't, really, but I'm sure he doesn't think I can defend myself.
[ Anymore. Her face grows hot with embarrassment and she can't quite meet his eyes. She's practiced endlessly since her last meeting with Solas, working to regain some of the skill that had vanished with the anchor, with her arm. She'd had to adapt all of the abilities she'd been honing through her life; some of them are lost for good. Still, despite all her efforts, the difficulty still exists. They'd been too long in peacetime, in quiet and without fighting in Ferelden. This would be her first match against true adversity since the Exalted Council.
Even she doesn't know if she's ready, if she can hold off whatever might be waiting, but she'll be dammed if that stops her. ]
I'm to meet with Scout Harding. [ The compromise. That she might travel with Leliana's agents so she could (as she so passionately repeated) fix what she'd been unable to before.
Finally, she looks back at Dorian. ]
I'll need someone to look after Justin while we're gone. [ Already, the prospect stops up her throat, but she presses on. ] I know you have no less to do than the rest of us, you, and Bull, but I trust no one more than you, and he's taken so well to you. I would never ask if I thought there a better solution, selfish as it is.
[ She pinches her brows. Behind her, the child has found a very shiny stone and is intently looking for more. ]
I have to do this. I must.
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Others might have forgotten it, but he knows there's no chance either of them would.
When she starts talking about what's necessary, he's proven correct. Part of him wants to object - to say that there's no way he's a good choice for this, given that he merely watches him, that tending a child for a few hours is different than having him for days, or weeks.
There are plenty of other options, as well. Any of them have to be better than him, but no. He understands the logic, even if it makes his stomach clench with something similar to fear. They've faced death plenty of times but it's so very, very different when it's something like this. ]
I...you do realize I will have to take him to Tevinter with me. I can't...I won't be able to stay away fro that long.
[ He has a feeling she already knows this but he has to say it anyway, glancing at where Justin's hunting for stones. ]
When would the two of you be departing?
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[ But. Cecily swallows, gaze again flitting to Justin who is returning with a few more stones, most of which are half-frosted. He looks tremendously proud, places one in her hand, offers up the rest to Dorian ("look what I did!"), and her stomach twists painfully. ]
... We would leave as soon as we have word back from Leliana. Soon, I expect.
[ Any time is too soon. ]
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Cecily.
[ He's interrupted before he can go too far, given frosted stones, dirty little hands wiped on his pants as Justin gleefully shows him the rocks. Quite good, Dorian says warmly and frosts them the rest of the way over, handing them back. Now, let's see if you can melt them, hm?
Once he's away, he reaches out and takes Cecily's hands, squeezing gently. ]
I can take him back with me when I return to Tevinter. I... mmm. It would be wise to say he's someone else's child, but I'm not certain how well he can lie.
SO RUDE she only has one hand to hold!!
One has already betrayed them, after all, and her nerves are beyond frayed. ]
He can learn. [ She says softly, her voice wavering slightly. ] For all I tease, he isn't much trouble, and it won't be so long to go and look around, to make sure he isn't there.
[ If Solas is there, if it's time, as he's deemed it, to end their world, then it will hardly matter where Justin is or isn't unless she or someone else can convince the ancient elf to change his mind. If he isn't there, then they'll return, likely with no information and little to show for the trip.
That Leliana had written them at all suggests it might be more complicated than that, but it doesn't need to be voiced. ]
I'll be back as soon as I can. Dorian, I can't think of any way to thank you for this. Nothing that would do justice to how much this means to me.
fml
Gently, he squeezes once and then releases, tugging on a curl of hair that's slipped loose from its bindings. ]
I know he isn't any trouble. He'll be fine for a few weeks. We'll tell him it's a vacation of sorts.
[ And if for some Maker-damned reason it lasts longer than anticipated, they'll figure it out from there. Dorian is going to operate under the impression that it won't, though. ]
shh no tears only dreams
She returns the hug, knowing all this, knowing the boy couldn't be in better hands. ]
I'll return with some exotic vintage, it's the least I could do.
[ There's the ghost of a smile, though she's only mostly joking. If she could reward him with a bottle of every fine wine in Thedas, she'd do it in a heartbeat. Maker knows he deserves it... or, more aptly, that he'll need a drink. ]
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He releases her after a moment, clasping her hand firmly. ]
Of course, I'll be sure to expect that.
[ He will need a drink, that's for certain. Still, he doesn't regret offering and he doesn't regret helping. If he can help them in any fashion, he fully intends to. ]
Let's go back inside, hm? We'll make the most of what time we have.
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Cecily sweeps up the dishes, trying not to think about what's on all of their minds, and Cullen eventually reemerges. There's a sort of awkward tension hanging heavy in the room like a shroud; they'd obviously argued to some degree about who should stay and go, and the compromise wasn't one that either liked. ]
I'll get a fire going. [ The Commander says eventually, slipping from the room, perhaps slipping away (wisely) to avoid the chill radiating from his wife. Afterward, she glances in the direction of the door and sighs softly, picking absently-mindedly at her clothes. ]
I don't mean to be a troll about this, but I can't stay behind. [ She chances a look at Dorian and there's something like like imploring, you understand, don't you? ] I mean, I couldn't. Even with- I just, I have to do what I can. And there isn't anything I can do from here.
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[ Dorian takes the rock when it's handed to him, thumbing at the scorch marks with a pleased twist to his lips. Ruffling the boy's hair, he murmurs good job and then slings the child up into his arms with a laugh, holding him under one of his arms. ]
Cecily, you needn't explain yourself, especially not to me of all people.
[ He won't hate her for it and he won't pretend that he doesn't understand. It's not ideal but their lives were consistently made up of things that were 'not ideal' and they simply coped. That was the way that things were. To believe anything else was foolish at best, self-destructive at worst. ]
If you feel as if you are doing the right thing, then I support it.
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I do. [ Cecily replies firmly, because it's the truth. ] I feel - really feel - that I need to be there.
[ To do what she couldn't before. If she's unable and it means the end of their world anyway, then at least she tried. ]
Thank you. [ She sits with Dorian and Justin, closing her eyes briefly, considering, testing the weight of it all on her mind. ] I'll send birds, keep you updated as best I can. At the very least, I can trust Leliana will have spies watching from where I can't see them.
[ There's a thin smile; she isn't enormously happy at the prospect of being watched by anyone, but if it's a comfort to others, then she can deal with it. ]
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[ For all that his tone is teasing and light, there's a tension to him that he can't shake. This isn't fair to her, to be shoved into this all over again but at the same time it isn't as if she'd just ignore this, either. She's too good for that. ]
You needn't justify that to me, you realize.
[ Justin reaches his hands up expectantly and Dorian huffs out a laugh, grabbing him by his wrists to send him swinging gently back and forth while he shrieks laughter happily. ]
I'll have him write ones back when we're both certain it is safe enough.
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I realize. [ She seems to be chewing on the words as if they're tough, and in a way, they are. She doesn't want to admit that he's right because she feels horribly selfish leaving her young, magical son with him when he's got so much else to do, and she could easily stay behind to watch him... Well. Not 'easily,' really. She's rarely easy on herself. ]
His letters will be drawings of dragons... and of the dog.
Dragon! [ Justin shouts, so excited that he forgets to hold on and plops down onto the floor. Cecily starts, instinctively, but he's fine, and he scrambles back onto Dorian's lap a moment later. ]
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[ Dorian keeps his tone nonchalant, hefting Justin up with a little grunt, swinging him a little higher while he shrieks, not listening to what they're saying which is the idea. ]
Yes, dragons. I'm certain Bull will be more than happy to help you with drawing those.
[ The child clambers up into his lap and Dorian huffs out a breath, settling a little more so that he doesn't tip out of it in his excitement. ]
Speaking of: what of the dog?
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[ Oh no, not Bull and Dragons. Her smile twitches at a grin and she rolls her neck, sighing at the thought. ]
Promise you won't let him take Justin to see a dragon. [ She says in a hushed whisper, when she knows the boy isn't listening.
... Yes. Pup. Cecily flits her tongue across her lips, considering, eyes on the doorway. ]
He'll go with Cullen, I'm sure. [ Mabaris are war hounds, after all, and she isn't about to leave Dorian with a child and an animal. ] Only one beast to worry about.
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