No- Of course. [ She says quickly, quietly, face blooming into an expression of great guilt. She isn't afraid of dying on a mission, but is afraid of what might happen to her child. Of what his presence might mean for Dorian, whose life was already so complicated and busy. Already, she begins to regret it, has to backpedal a little: ] I know how sudden this is, and... unfair, and you've done me so many favors already, done me too much kindness for me to ask this of you. I can't.
[ But. Cecily swallows, gaze again flitting to Justin who is returning with a few more stones, most of which are half-frosted. He looks tremendously proud, places one in her hand, offers up the rest to Dorian ("look what I did!"), and her stomach twists painfully. ]
... We would leave as soon as we have word back from Leliana. Soon, I expect.
[ He can't imagine Cullen's going to be thrilled about it, but they don't have a lot of options if they're both leaving. Idly, he wonders why they don't send the child to go live with his sister, but he doesn't question that; they've likely considered all of the options and weighed them as heavily as they can. No doubt asking more questions would only make things worse. ]
Cecily.
[ He's interrupted before he can go too far, given frosted stones, dirty little hands wiped on his pants as Justin gleefully shows him the rocks. Quite good, Dorian says warmly and frosts them the rest of the way over, handing them back. Now, let's see if you can melt them, hm?
Once he's away, he reaches out and takes Cecily's hands, squeezing gently. ]
I can take him back with me when I return to Tevinter. I... mmm. It would be wise to say he's someone else's child, but I'm not certain how well he can lie.
[ If he weren't a budding mage, she'd consider it. If he were a normal child... then, maybe it would be safe to tuck him away with Mia and her family in the South. Even if it won't be long that they're gone, she can't shake the fear that he'd be easily taken from them (and that they might end up as causalities. Of her companions, of those who she can trust to keep him safe while being able to defend themselves, the list is... varied. In the end, there's one she trusts, particularly with the magical aspect, more than the others.
One has already betrayed them, after all, and her nerves are beyond frayed. ]
He can learn. [ She says softly, her voice wavering slightly. ] For all I tease, he isn't much trouble, and it won't be so long to go and look around, to make sure he isn't there.
[ If Solas is there, if it's time, as he's deemed it, to end their world, then it will hardly matter where Justin is or isn't unless she or someone else can convince the ancient elf to change his mind. If he isn't there, then they'll return, likely with no information and little to show for the trip.
That Leliana had written them at all suggests it might be more complicated than that, but it doesn't need to be voiced. ]
I'll be back as soon as I can. Dorian, I can't think of any way to thank you for this. Nothing that would do justice to how much this means to me.
[ Tevinter will teach him how to lie. It starts young. Dorian sucks in a steady breath and drops her hand, tugging her into a hug instead. He'd give anything for her to not have to make this decision, but he also understands the necessity of it, that she is doing what she thinks is right and that's what they have to do.
Gently, he squeezes once and then releases, tugging on a curl of hair that's slipped loose from its bindings. ]
I know he isn't any trouble. He'll be fine for a few weeks. We'll tell him it's a vacation of sorts.
[ And if for some Maker-damned reason it lasts longer than anticipated, they'll figure it out from there. Dorian is going to operate under the impression that it won't, though. ]
[ He'll be thrilled to go to Tevinter, she knows already. Before he was born, Cullen's nephew had been delighted to hear stories of the Imperium, of magic and Magisters and all else. Justin is much the same, though he has the added thrill of having Dorian as a godfather and frequent companion... and the magic, of course. The connection between Tevinter and his abilities aren't lost even on him, young as he is, and thin though the connection might be in his mind.
She returns the hug, knowing all this, knowing the boy couldn't be in better hands. ]
I'll return with some exotic vintage, it's the least I could do.
[ There's the ghost of a smile, though she's only mostly joking. If she could reward him with a bottle of every fine wine in Thedas, she'd do it in a heartbeat. Maker knows he deserves it... or, more aptly, that he'll need a drink. ]
[ Maevaris will help him keep Justin safe, at the very least. Between that and everyone else he knows, the child will be the most well-protected boy in all of Tevinter.
He releases her after a moment, clasping her hand firmly. ]
Of course, I'll be sure to expect that.
[ He will need a drink, that's for certain. Still, he doesn't regret offering and he doesn't regret helping. If he can help them in any fashion, he fully intends to. ]
Let's go back inside, hm? We'll make the most of what time we have.
With my son begging you to enchant rocks, I'll bet. [ And, sure enough, as they head back inside, Justin slips one of the gathered stones into Dorian's hand. It isn't on fire, but the ice is gone and there are traces of scorch.
Cecily sweeps up the dishes, trying not to think about what's on all of their minds, and Cullen eventually reemerges. There's a sort of awkward tension hanging heavy in the room like a shroud; they'd obviously argued to some degree about who should stay and go, and the compromise wasn't one that either liked. ]
I'll get a fire going. [ The Commander says eventually, slipping from the room, perhaps slipping away (wisely) to avoid the chill radiating from his wife. Afterward, she glances in the direction of the door and sighs softly, picking absently-mindedly at her clothes. ]
I don't mean to be a troll about this, but I can't stay behind. [ She chances a look at Dorian and there's something like like imploring, you understand, don't you? ] I mean, I couldn't. Even with- I just, I have to do what I can. And there isn't anything I can do from here.
[ Dorian takes the rock when it's handed to him, thumbing at the scorch marks with a pleased twist to his lips. Ruffling the boy's hair, he murmurs good job and then slings the child up into his arms with a laugh, holding him under one of his arms. ]
Cecily, you needn't explain yourself, especially not to me of all people.
[ He won't hate her for it and he won't pretend that he doesn't understand. It's not ideal but their lives were consistently made up of things that were 'not ideal' and they simply coped. That was the way that things were. To believe anything else was foolish at best, self-destructive at worst. ]
If you feel as if you are doing the right thing, then I support it.
Enabler. [ She says softly, but fondly. There's still the underlying worries, of course, because the situation is fraught with complications, some of which are now being pushed onto Dorian's shoulders. ]
I do. [ Cecily replies firmly, because it's the truth. ] I feel - really feel - that I need to be there.
[ To do what she couldn't before. If she's unable and it means the end of their world anyway, then at least she tried. ]
Thank you. [ She sits with Dorian and Justin, closing her eyes briefly, considering, testing the weight of it all on her mind. ] I'll send birds, keep you updated as best I can. At the very least, I can trust Leliana will have spies watching from where I can't see them.
[ There's a thin smile; she isn't enormously happy at the prospect of being watched by anyone, but if it's a comfort to others, then she can deal with it. ]
But of course. I must protect my spot as the favorite caretaker. I'm not above small bribery.
[ For all that his tone is teasing and light, there's a tension to him that he can't shake. This isn't fair to her, to be shoved into this all over again but at the same time it isn't as if she'd just ignore this, either. She's too good for that. ]
You needn't justify that to me, you realize.
[ Justin reaches his hands up expectantly and Dorian huffs out a laugh, grabbing him by his wrists to send him swinging gently back and forth while he shrieks laughter happily. ]
I'll have him write ones back when we're both certain it is safe enough.
What you do isn't small bribery. [ Case in point; he's swinging her child from his arm. She can't help but smile, sighing softly in to the strained air of the kitchen. ]
I realize. [ She seems to be chewing on the words as if they're tough, and in a way, they are. She doesn't want to admit that he's right because she feels horribly selfish leaving her young, magical son with him when he's got so much else to do, and she could easily stay behind to watch him... Well. Not 'easily,' really. She's rarely easy on herself. ]
His letters will be drawings of dragons... and of the dog.
Dragon! [ Justin shouts, so excited that he forgets to hold on and plops down onto the floor. Cecily starts, instinctively, but he's fine, and he scrambles back onto Dorian's lap a moment later. ]
[ Dorian keeps his tone nonchalant, hefting Justin up with a little grunt, swinging him a little higher while he shrieks, not listening to what they're saying which is the idea. ]
Yes, dragons. I'm certain Bull will be more than happy to help you with drawing those.
[ The child clambers up into his lap and Dorian huffs out a breath, settling a little more so that he doesn't tip out of it in his excitement. ]
[ Oh no, not Bull and Dragons. Her smile twitches at a grin and she rolls her neck, sighing at the thought. ]
Promise you won't let him take Justin to see a dragon. [ She says in a hushed whisper, when she knows the boy isn't listening.
... Yes. Pup. Cecily flits her tongue across her lips, considering, eyes on the doorway. ]
He'll go with Cullen, I'm sure. [ Mabaris are war hounds, after all, and she isn't about to leave Dorian with a child and an animal. ] Only one beast to worry about.
[ But the smile betrays her; despite the situation (situations, plural, rather), he always manages to cheer her up. Even if it's just to pull her head above water again... ]
I can do that. And then promise him a round of drinks; he'll like it if I say we'll have some of that... er. The vile stuff that destroys your taste buds.
[ She'd forgotten the name because the one time she'd had it had been a disastrous evening with a hangover to match.
Oh, right; she's a mother, still. And supposed to be an example. ]
You will, I can promise you that. [ Cecily hums lightly, meeting Justin's eyes; he then laughs as if there's been a joke told and looks back to try and grab at Dorian's fingers. ] From years of experiences.
[ Dorian turns the taunt into a tease instead, flirting easily with her, especially after all these years. Even now, despite how long he and the Bull have been together, it's just genuinely fun to flirt with people, even with no intent. ]
Oh, Maker, don't even remind me that foul, blighted sh-- swill exists.
[ His hands reach over to cover Justin's ears as he says it, grimacing at himself and then mouthing an apology at her. ]
It's fine. I'll let the Chargers get a hold of you and then you'll come toddling back to your mum with tattoos of naked wenches and bulging muscles, hm?
Don't you always? [ She finally does laugh in earnest. Their banter really hasn't changed since those first days and she's forever grateful for it, basking in the warmth and normality of their easy friendship. ]
Ah. So, I'm not the one one who's been exposed to that... [ She shakes her head, pulling a face. ] Ugh.
[ Dirty piss wrung through some old, dead skins, more like.
Her expression darkens playfully at the mention of what will apparently befall her son. ]
And to think I was going to let him run off with you. Well, Dorian, if your play was to get me to ask someone else to watch him, you've succeed. I'll have none of that, thank you very much.
Mmm, yes, he thought it would be quite the way to finish off a day of bandits and other excitement. I spent the rest of the morning wishing I were dead.
[ Bless Bull and bless his shitty alcohol choices. Bad enough Dorian was drinking the swill served normally, but that was on another level entirely.
Justin squirms under Dorian's hands, grabbing his wrists and tugging in a clear request to be lifted up, wanting to hang off him like an unruly monkey. Sighing, he acquiesces, swinging him back and forth gently once he's on his feet. ]
No, I suppose I've gotten rather attached to the little beast.
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[ But. Cecily swallows, gaze again flitting to Justin who is returning with a few more stones, most of which are half-frosted. He looks tremendously proud, places one in her hand, offers up the rest to Dorian ("look what I did!"), and her stomach twists painfully. ]
... We would leave as soon as we have word back from Leliana. Soon, I expect.
[ Any time is too soon. ]
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Cecily.
[ He's interrupted before he can go too far, given frosted stones, dirty little hands wiped on his pants as Justin gleefully shows him the rocks. Quite good, Dorian says warmly and frosts them the rest of the way over, handing them back. Now, let's see if you can melt them, hm?
Once he's away, he reaches out and takes Cecily's hands, squeezing gently. ]
I can take him back with me when I return to Tevinter. I... mmm. It would be wise to say he's someone else's child, but I'm not certain how well he can lie.
SO RUDE she only has one hand to hold!!
One has already betrayed them, after all, and her nerves are beyond frayed. ]
He can learn. [ She says softly, her voice wavering slightly. ] For all I tease, he isn't much trouble, and it won't be so long to go and look around, to make sure he isn't there.
[ If Solas is there, if it's time, as he's deemed it, to end their world, then it will hardly matter where Justin is or isn't unless she or someone else can convince the ancient elf to change his mind. If he isn't there, then they'll return, likely with no information and little to show for the trip.
That Leliana had written them at all suggests it might be more complicated than that, but it doesn't need to be voiced. ]
I'll be back as soon as I can. Dorian, I can't think of any way to thank you for this. Nothing that would do justice to how much this means to me.
fml
Gently, he squeezes once and then releases, tugging on a curl of hair that's slipped loose from its bindings. ]
I know he isn't any trouble. He'll be fine for a few weeks. We'll tell him it's a vacation of sorts.
[ And if for some Maker-damned reason it lasts longer than anticipated, they'll figure it out from there. Dorian is going to operate under the impression that it won't, though. ]
shh no tears only dreams
She returns the hug, knowing all this, knowing the boy couldn't be in better hands. ]
I'll return with some exotic vintage, it's the least I could do.
[ There's the ghost of a smile, though she's only mostly joking. If she could reward him with a bottle of every fine wine in Thedas, she'd do it in a heartbeat. Maker knows he deserves it... or, more aptly, that he'll need a drink. ]
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He releases her after a moment, clasping her hand firmly. ]
Of course, I'll be sure to expect that.
[ He will need a drink, that's for certain. Still, he doesn't regret offering and he doesn't regret helping. If he can help them in any fashion, he fully intends to. ]
Let's go back inside, hm? We'll make the most of what time we have.
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Cecily sweeps up the dishes, trying not to think about what's on all of their minds, and Cullen eventually reemerges. There's a sort of awkward tension hanging heavy in the room like a shroud; they'd obviously argued to some degree about who should stay and go, and the compromise wasn't one that either liked. ]
I'll get a fire going. [ The Commander says eventually, slipping from the room, perhaps slipping away (wisely) to avoid the chill radiating from his wife. Afterward, she glances in the direction of the door and sighs softly, picking absently-mindedly at her clothes. ]
I don't mean to be a troll about this, but I can't stay behind. [ She chances a look at Dorian and there's something like like imploring, you understand, don't you? ] I mean, I couldn't. Even with- I just, I have to do what I can. And there isn't anything I can do from here.
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[ Dorian takes the rock when it's handed to him, thumbing at the scorch marks with a pleased twist to his lips. Ruffling the boy's hair, he murmurs good job and then slings the child up into his arms with a laugh, holding him under one of his arms. ]
Cecily, you needn't explain yourself, especially not to me of all people.
[ He won't hate her for it and he won't pretend that he doesn't understand. It's not ideal but their lives were consistently made up of things that were 'not ideal' and they simply coped. That was the way that things were. To believe anything else was foolish at best, self-destructive at worst. ]
If you feel as if you are doing the right thing, then I support it.
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I do. [ Cecily replies firmly, because it's the truth. ] I feel - really feel - that I need to be there.
[ To do what she couldn't before. If she's unable and it means the end of their world anyway, then at least she tried. ]
Thank you. [ She sits with Dorian and Justin, closing her eyes briefly, considering, testing the weight of it all on her mind. ] I'll send birds, keep you updated as best I can. At the very least, I can trust Leliana will have spies watching from where I can't see them.
[ There's a thin smile; she isn't enormously happy at the prospect of being watched by anyone, but if it's a comfort to others, then she can deal with it. ]
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[ For all that his tone is teasing and light, there's a tension to him that he can't shake. This isn't fair to her, to be shoved into this all over again but at the same time it isn't as if she'd just ignore this, either. She's too good for that. ]
You needn't justify that to me, you realize.
[ Justin reaches his hands up expectantly and Dorian huffs out a laugh, grabbing him by his wrists to send him swinging gently back and forth while he shrieks laughter happily. ]
I'll have him write ones back when we're both certain it is safe enough.
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I realize. [ She seems to be chewing on the words as if they're tough, and in a way, they are. She doesn't want to admit that he's right because she feels horribly selfish leaving her young, magical son with him when he's got so much else to do, and she could easily stay behind to watch him... Well. Not 'easily,' really. She's rarely easy on herself. ]
His letters will be drawings of dragons... and of the dog.
Dragon! [ Justin shouts, so excited that he forgets to hold on and plops down onto the floor. Cecily starts, instinctively, but he's fine, and he scrambles back onto Dorian's lap a moment later. ]
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[ Dorian keeps his tone nonchalant, hefting Justin up with a little grunt, swinging him a little higher while he shrieks, not listening to what they're saying which is the idea. ]
Yes, dragons. I'm certain Bull will be more than happy to help you with drawing those.
[ The child clambers up into his lap and Dorian huffs out a breath, settling a little more so that he doesn't tip out of it in his excitement. ]
Speaking of: what of the dog?
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[ Oh no, not Bull and Dragons. Her smile twitches at a grin and she rolls her neck, sighing at the thought. ]
Promise you won't let him take Justin to see a dragon. [ She says in a hushed whisper, when she knows the boy isn't listening.
... Yes. Pup. Cecily flits her tongue across her lips, considering, eyes on the doorway. ]
He'll go with Cullen, I'm sure. [ Mabaris are war hounds, after all, and she isn't about to leave Dorian with a child and an animal. ] Only one beast to worry about.
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[ Dorian rolls his eyes, keeping Justin entertained with sparkling fingers so he doesn't listen to the conversation too much.
At the request to make a promise, Dorian grins, bright and amused, giving her an utterly innocent look. ]
You'll have to be the one to break the news to Bull, I fear. He'll be heartbroken.
[ At least the dog isn't staying. He wouldn't mind it overmuch, but it's one less thing to fuss over. ]
Yes, I imagine I'll have my hands full with this one.
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[ But the smile betrays her; despite the situation (situations, plural, rather), he always manages to cheer her up. Even if it's just to pull her head above water again... ]
I can do that. And then promise him a round of drinks; he'll like it if I say we'll have some of that... er. The vile stuff that destroys your taste buds.
[ She'd forgotten the name because the one time she'd had it had been a disastrous evening with a hangover to match.
Oh, right; she's a mother, still. And supposed to be an example. ]
You will, I can promise you that. [ Cecily hums lightly, meeting Justin's eyes; he then laughs as if there's been a joke told and looks back to try and grab at Dorian's fingers. ] From years of experiences.
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[ Dorian turns the taunt into a tease instead, flirting easily with her, especially after all these years. Even now, despite how long he and the Bull have been together, it's just genuinely fun to flirt with people, even with no intent. ]
Oh, Maker, don't even remind me that foul, blighted sh-- swill exists.
[ His hands reach over to cover Justin's ears as he says it, grimacing at himself and then mouthing an apology at her. ]
It's fine. I'll let the Chargers get a hold of you and then you'll come toddling back to your mum with tattoos of naked wenches and bulging muscles, hm?
[ Justin seems all too enthused. ]
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Ah. So, I'm not the one one who's been exposed to that... [ She shakes her head, pulling a face. ] Ugh.
[ Dirty piss wrung through some old, dead skins, more like.
Her expression darkens playfully at the mention of what will apparently befall her son. ]
And to think I was going to let him run off with you. Well, Dorian, if your play was to get me to ask someone else to watch him, you've succeed. I'll have none of that, thank you very much.
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[ Bless Bull and bless his shitty alcohol choices. Bad enough Dorian was drinking the swill served normally, but that was on another level entirely.
Justin squirms under Dorian's hands, grabbing his wrists and tugging in a clear request to be lifted up, wanting to hang off him like an unruly monkey. Sighing, he acquiesces, swinging him back and forth gently once he's on his feet. ]
No, I suppose I've gotten rather attached to the little beast.